PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
