Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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