Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
tell me about the fingering
Randomize