apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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