I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize