you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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