dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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