Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize