Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
