so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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