i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
