OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
