textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize