Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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