apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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