Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
