Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
