guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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