I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
