You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
