i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
