the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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