Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
