The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
