i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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