Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize