Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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