you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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