Umm I'm too high to move.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
