I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
