I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
