It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
