Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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