I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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