did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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