If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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