Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
