Actions speak louder than pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
