He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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