you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
