Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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