It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
