Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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