I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize