No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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