Only a mothe r could love this liver
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the liver wants what the liver wants
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
