Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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