what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
zippers are such a cool invention
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
