Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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