he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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