i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
