Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
