Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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