I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
