Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
