All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
