ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
