Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
