Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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