it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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