Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
