Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Boobs speak an international language.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
