i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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