Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
