last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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