I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize