so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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